You know that moment when you want to do better—but don’t believe you can?
You plan to eat better, start exercising, communicate more clearly, take care of yourself… but instead, you end up back where you started.
And the voice in your head says: You’re lazy. You lack discipline. You just don’t have what it takes.
Here’s the truth: it’s not laziness. It’s overload. It can be sadness…it can be any number of things… but laziness? Nope! Attaching the concept of “lazy” is showing a lack of curiosity and compassion. There is a reason you don’t have energy – maybe multiple.
And it’s one of the most common—and misunderstood—reasons change feels impossible.
That’s where this conversation between Dr. Pamela Brewer, host of the M.E.S.H. podcast, and Olivia Chadwick, co-author of 17 Runs: The Unbeaten Path to Unlock Life’s True Potential, hits home. Together, they unpack why growth so often feels hard and what’s really happening when you feel stuck.
You’re Not Lazy. You’re Carrying Too Much.
“It’s not a character flaw,” Olivia says in the episode. “Nobody would have the capacity to pursue exercise—or any lifestyle change—when they’re already overloaded.”
We’re managing jobs, family, finances, relationships, and invisible emotional labor. It can feel like there is not enough space for another goal, even if that goal is supposed to make us feel better.
That’s why step one isn’t trying harder.
It’s lightening the load.
Ask yourself:
- What’s draining me right now—physically, emotionally, or mentally?
- What could I set down, even temporarily, to create space for healing or change?
Real motivation doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from breathing room.
The Real Work Is Learning to Tolerate Discomfort
Even when we do have space, growth can still feel… uncomfortable.
That nervous pit in your stomach before a hard conversation?
That resistance to trying something new?
That is not failure—That can be your body signaling uncertainty.
Olivia Chadwick compares it to running. “To run is a physically uncomfortable experience,” she says. “You have to learn the signs of your body—is this a real threat, or is this just discomfort I can move through?”
The same applies to emotional discomfort. Change doesn’t always feel good, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It likely means you are leaving the familiar—and entering growth territory.
So the next time you feel that tightening in your chest or your stomach drop before doing something new, pause.
Take a breath.
Ask, “Is this danger—or just discomfort?”
Often it is discomfort—and that is where transformation can begin.
Why People Don’t Understand You (and How to Change That)
Dr. Brewer shares another truth that hits close to home:
“Assuming someone can read your mind is the fastest route to a communication breakdown.”
So often, we expect our partners, coworkers, or friends to just know what we need.
But people can’t support what we never express.
Healthy communication—at home, at work, or with yourself—starts with curiosity instead of assumption.
Ask instead of assuming. Clarify instead of closing off.
You might be surprised how many conflicts, disappointments, or misunderstandings dissolve the moment you speak what you really feel.
When You Feel “Different” or “Broken”
Olivia also opens up about her co-author, Garnett Morris, who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.
“For years, he thought something was wrong with him,” she shares. “But when he finally understood how his brain worked, that difference became his strength.”
Maybe you have felt the same way—as if you can’t do things the way other people do.
Maybe you’ve labeled it as a flaw.
But what if it’s not brokenness? What if it’s uniqueness?
Our quirks, sensitivities, and even our diagnoses are often the source of our greatest creativity and resilience. The goal is not to erase them—it’s to understand how to work with them.
Small Steps That Actually Create Change
If you’re feeling stuck, Olivia’s advice is simple and powerful:
“Pause. Be curious about what is going on.”
Don’t rush to fix everything. Don’t mask the discomfort.
Just pause.
Sit long enough with what’s hard to see what it’s teaching you.
Try this:
- Name one thing that feels heavy right now.
- Ask what that heaviness is showing you.
- Choose one small, compassionate action that honors what you need.
That’s how growth really begins—not in perfection, but in small, honest moments of awareness.
The Bigger Picture: Connecting Mind, Body, and Relationships
The M.E.S.H. approach—Mental, Emotional, and Social Health—reminds us that no part of our well-being exists in isolation.
When you start to communicate more clearly, move with intention, and accept yourself fully, everything shifts.
You stop fighting your life and start working with it.
As Dr. Brewer says, the real work is stitching together all the parts of who we are—and learning to live in alignment with them.
If You Feel Stuck Right Now
You are not alone, and you are not broken.
You’re just human—and change, by its nature, can be uncomfortable.
But discomfort may not be the enemy. It may be the signal that you’re evolving. Thinking about new things – or experiencing old things in a different way.
To dive deeper into this conversation, listen to the full episode of M.E.S.H. with Dr. Pamela Brewer and Olivia Chadwick, co-author of 17 Runs: The Unbeaten Path to Unlock Life’s True Potential. Watch Now.
It’s a powerful reminder that growth isn’t about being fearless—it’s about staying curious long enough to learn what fear has to teach you.